Raw Feelings. What Gives?

I Feel

But how or what do I feel?

This blog is my attempt to journal and document what the hell my life is about.

What I Promise to myself:

I promise to be patient with myself.

I can hold space for the parts of myself that fail to love myself.

I am always exactly where I am supposed to be. It would be impossible for me to not fit in.

So What?

It is hard to explain what it’s like to be me. Words often fall short when I try to explain what it’s like to navigate my emotions. This was my biggest problem when I was a kid. Without the skills to regulate anxiety, Without the understanding of setting and maintaining boundaries, I was a wreck.

Depression.

I felt as though I was broken. I cried, Every single day for years. When in grade school I could feel how my depression affected others. This compounded my “problems”. Some people were kind, some people were not.

I shelled up and blanked out.

As a survival instinct, I would distance myself from myself. We all struggle with this to some degree. In moments of extreme humility i would leave my body and take refuge elseware.

Disassociation

Taking responsibility of my own personal identity is a constant daily practice.

I exist

I am safe

I belong

Are the Mantras of my journey.

When I was younger I would say my emotions were my biggest problem. Now I can see that my feelings are my superpower. The difference now is that I know I don’t need to walk this path alone. I have skills to ground myself. I have Friends to help.